Random Thoughts

Reuters - Pro-Bowl wide receiver Marvin Harrison was released by the Indianapolis Colts on Tuesday, breaking up the greatest pass-catch partnership in the NFL. "We today have released Marvin Harrison because of salary cap considerations," Colts president Bill Polian said... "This is a sad day for the Colts... Marvin Harrison, in addition to being a certain Hall of Famer, has been a good friend, model professional and a loyal and dedicated teammate. His record-setting achievements brought about by immense talent, work ethic and dignified professional demeanor have thrilled Colts fans for a generation."

My favorite thing aspect of this story is how the Colts can't bring themselves to suggest... with a straight face anyway... that Harrison's release has anything to do with anything besides simple economics. They'll leave it to the Coltsophiles in the media (I'm looking at you, Ron Borges) to claim that they were worried about Harrison's character since he put a Belgian teflon-tipped, cop-killer cap in some guy's ass, almost killing a toddler in the process and lied to the police about it. Even a lying sack of crap like Bill (Na)Polian couldn't pretend this wasn't about Harrison losing a step. He's averaged just over 800 yards a year the last three years and they couldn't afford to pay him $13.4 million. That's exactly the kind of decision that when it's made by Bill Belichick, they talk about him like he's Pontius Pilate. But the Colts are the shining beacon of all that is right in the NFL, so when they make it, it's a tough call that makes Bill Polian cry.

Still that won't stop the whispering campaign that's about to start. In the days to come it will all about how worried the Irsay's were about Marvin. How he'd gone astray and they were concerned that he'd be a bad influence on the impressionable young men in the locker room. When the plain truth is, this was a money decision, period. If Reggie Wayne or Anthony Gonzalez beat Obama over the head with a photo album filled with kiddie porn, the Colts wouldn't make a peep as long as the guys could catch and had friendly cap numbers. Now let the spin begin...

Introducing Nicole from Hartford.    Just a prototypical cute blond.   Kind of has some Reese Witherspoon in her huh?  She looks like the type of girl you want to meet at the supermarket, date for 2 years and then marry her, have two kids with white picket fences and all that jazz.   PS – Stay tuned Hartford.  You are very close to becoming the Stool’s home away from home….

Do you know any hot girls who deserve to be recognized for their hotness?   Send them to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

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Ok these are always the toughest picks for me to make.   For those of you paying attention you may have noticed that your leader has been in a minor slump lately culminating with last night’s loser with the over in Pittsburgh Vs. Providence.   How they call a moving pick on Blair with under a minute to go I’ll never know, but I digress.  Anyway as a result of last night’s debacle I’ve been shut off for a little while.  Now if history is any indication this means I’m about to get red fucking hot.   And naturally I love the board tonight.   Also keep in my mind I will be 100% rooting against these picks. Because as any gambler will tell you it's better to bet and lose than watch a team you like win with no action on it.   It’s just gut wrenching.   So without further ado here are my Retirement Mortal Locks for tonight.  If you were smart you'd ride me until I start firing real bullets again.

UCONN At Marquette +1 Total 144

I like Marquette.  I think they’re a good team and certainly somebody I wouldn’t want to play come tournament time.  But is UConn going to lose two big games in a row?  I doubt it.  Sure Marquette will get their points but I just don’t see them being able to stop the Huskies.   So this is actually a vaunted double mortal lock game for me.  I like both UConn and the Over

Pick #1 Uconn

Pick #2 Over 144

Kentucky at SC -1

South Carolina has only lost once at home all season.  Tonight won’t be number 2.  

The Pick – SC

Ole Miss at Auburn total 143

I don’t know what it is about the SEC but I feel like whenever Auburn plays a middle of the road SEC team it’s always a shootout.  I’d be stunned if one of these teams doesn’t put up 80 so that puts you in pretty good shape for an easy cover.

The Pick - Over

Ok State at Colorado +5

Despite Colorado’s horrible record they’ve been pretty tough at home all season.   And Ok State hasn’t exactly been blowing people out either.  So not only do I expect Colorado to cover, but I actually think the Buffs are going to win outright.

The Pick – Colorado

So there you have it.   5 “Wild Wednesday I’m Retired Mortal Lock Winners.   I hope to god I go 0-5 but if past history is any indication you can already put these in the bank because they are as good as gold.  And just to show you that I’m a gentleman I’m not even going to ask that you buy shirts after you win since I’m hoping you get swept.

"Going To Waterworks In my Car...W-A-T-E-R-W-O-R-K-S"

Thank to Mike for the pic

You only go around once in this life, so you've got to live each day to the fullest. Carpe Diem. Which I why I've spent the last four days watching the NFL Scouting Combine. "Live like you were dyin'," that's the hallmark of my creed. And you know what? You can say what you want about sitting around watching guys do wind sprints, shuttle runs and vertical jumps, but somehow the NFL manages to turn it into 96 hours of compelling TV. The combine is Reality TV in it's purest form: drama, competition, people chasing their dreams. Only unlike the other reality shows, it's not scripted and manipulated. As a matter of fact, Reality TV in general would be better if they started running things the way the Scouting Combine does:

The Bachelor

An army of scouts sits around comparing stopwatches while the contestants compete in the Poolside Dryhump Drill. At the end, Detroit Lions GM Martin Mayhew gives a rose and $30 million signing bonus to the winner.

Click here to continue...

Reader Email

I thought that you would get a kick out of this. We play floor hockey at Umass Lowell, and its part of the intramural program. Anyway the team that we played last week had a kid on it that was a total spaz.  last year he got kicked out for fighting with us. now he was taken away in an ambulance after he got three penalties.  He went into the hallway and punched three windows. Just thought you'd think it is funny considering its the "B" league.

Cliff

First of all I didn’t even know Umass Lowell has Intramurals never mind "B" League Floor Hockey.  That in and of itself is pretty amazing.   But yeah this story is nuts.  I mean how do you get so upset about floor hockey that you start punching windows?   The only possible answer is that you’re flat out insane.   See this is why I don’t get in fights.  Because you never know when you’re going to run into a guy like this who clearly lives in outer space and has no regard for human life. 

Okay time to vote on how insane this dude is.  Vote 1 for I’ve punched windows over Intramural B League hockey before so it’s not that big of a deal and 10 for this guy is Gary Busey crazy.

EAGLE COUNTY, Colo. -- An elk that apparently tangled with a bar stool is now wearing the bar stool on its neck. Reports about the cow elk started coming into 7NEWS more than a week ago. Now residents in the area have taken photos of the elk wearing the bar stool.

Listen if I've said it once I've said it a million times. Don't fuck with the Stool unless you feel like getting owned. I mean how many more people do we have to fuck up before everyone gets the message? Boston Sports Review, Cross Country Runners, Korey Judd, Weekly Dig, Mrs. Sullivan, Regan Communications, Debbie Clemmons, and now this stupid Elk. You mess with us and you'll end up wearing the Stool as a hat. Here endth the lesson. Viva La Stool!

HYANNIS - A 24-year-old Marstons Mills man was taken to Cape Cod Hospital early this morning after walking into the Hyannis Fire Department seeking help for burns received after setting a fire in his car to keep warm. Patrick Larue, of 80 Sassafrass Way, was immediately treated for burns and smoke inhalation and then taken by ambulance to Cape Cod Hospital, said Lt. Roger Cadrin of the fire department. Larue walked into the station around 4:40 a.m., telling firefighters that he burned himself after setting a fire in his car to keep warm, Cadrin said. Larue told firefighters that he had been parked on Stevens Street, near the intersection with North Street, and was talking on his cellphone with the car running when the vehicle ran out of gas and stopped, according to Cadrin. Larue said he started a small fire in the car in order to keep warm, but put the fire out when he started getting dizzy, Cadrin said. The car, a rental, was “heavily damaged,” according to firefighters. Barnstable police are investigating. No further information was available this morning.

What do they mean, "No further information was available"? I need closure on this anecdote! Couldn't a spokesman from the Hyannis FD give us more information? Like where exactly Patrick Larue went wrong? Maybe some pointers on what we should do if we find ourselves in a predicament like this... out of gas in a heavily populated area of the Cape with nothing but a cellphone? Whatever do you do that situation? It sounds pretty hopeless and I can't think of any way out. I've seen every "Man vs. Wild" and every "Survivorman" and I don't think either one of them has ever dealt with that particular survival scenario. I'm guessing that Patrick took the only option available to him: start a fire inside the car and stay warm until he somehow gets rescued. He's lucky he kept his wits about him and made it out alive.

West Hollywood, CA (MSN) -- "I am placing you under citizen's arrest," a spike-heeled Nicky Hilton announced to the 50 year-old homeless man who allegedly pushed the heiress to the ground at 5 a.m. Saturday morning outside a West Hollywood IHOP. "One of our deputies was at the IHOP, having a coffee break, and noticed a waitress run outside because there was a commotion," Los Angeles County Police spokesman Steve Whitmore later told Us Magazine. The magazine went on to report that it took both Hilton and the officer to restrain the man, whose name is Michael Broadhurst. Hilton was not injured but Broadhurst was arrested for battery and is set to appear in court April 21. Exactly what the rail-thin billionaire was doing at IHOP remains unclear.

Citizens arrest? What the fuck is that all about? If I were the homeless man I would've told her, "Here's my citizen's cock, and you can suck it in your citizen's mouth." See, this is why I always liked Paris over Nicky. Paris would've just had a 3-way with the bum and the cop and called it a night. Not Nicky, she pulls out the citizens arrest card anytime she feels like it. Plus, everybody knows you can't even pull a citizens arrest at IHOP because crimes committed there all fall under "international" law. And finally, whoever wrote this article for msn.com should be fired. What do they mean "why was the rail-thin-billionaire dining at IHOP"? Because you can puke in the bathroom and nobody would suspect a thing.

Redsox.com - The Boston Red Sox today announced that start times for 2009 regular season games played at Fenway Park previously scheduled for 7:05 p.m. will be moved to 7:10 p.m. This time change will not affect games scheduled for other start times, including Sunday match-ups as well as weekday and Saturday matinees. "During the week approximately 60 percent of our fans enter the ballpark after 6:30 p.m. Moving the starts by even a few minutes will give them a little more time to make it to Fenway Park from work or home, take advantage of pregame festivities and ballpark amenities, and reach their seats before the first pitch. And if fans are enjoying the game broadcast, they will have more opportunity to listen to the expanded pregame show on WRKO/WEEI or catch the first pitch on NESN," said Larry Lucchino, Red Sox President/CEO. Saturday night game start times were also moved from 7:05 to 7:10 to maintain scheduling consistency.

Please, Larry. This is Boston, not Tampa. When you throw out a lame excuse like "Our fans need more time to make it to their seats for the first pitch" you demean us and yourself. We know moving back the start time has nothing to do with accomodating ticket holders and everything to do with selling 5 more minutes of Giant Glass and Jordan's Furniture ads. And that's fine. We're a sophisticated audience. Saying you're doing this for reasons other than making money is like saying "We're raising the price of Fenway Franks because we want to provide our customers with the highest quality fillers and rodent excrement." Some of us were born at night, but it wasn't last night. Just admit you're in this to make money for John Henry and we'll get to our seat whatever time you say. We understand trophy wives like Linda Pizzuti don't come cheap.

So just level with us; we can handle it. Though I have to confess I smell a conspiracy here. The same way the White Sox changed their start time to 7:11 in an endorsement deal with 7-11, I'm guessing Lucchino changed the Red Sox start time to 7:10 as part of a deal with a different big, evil conglomerate.

So I got an email today telling me that the cheerleader of the week on SI.com was from Michigan.   And since I’m an alumn and she was right in my wheelhouse with the whole brunette girl next door type of vibe I started reading her profile.  It was the typical stuff until I get to question 16.

Five people I'd like to have dinner with (living or dead) are:

Jesus, Katie K so she can meet Jesus, my sister's biological father and baby who both passed away, and my sister so she can meet them.

Well if that doesn’t fucking stop you mid tenga than what will?  When will hot bitches learn that when people ask you questions we don’t want deep serious answers. I mean relax honey.   This isn’t a fucking documentary on your life.   Nobody really cares what you think. We were looking for something more along the lines of this; “I’d love to have dinner with Tom Brady or El Pres because they are both famous Michigan Alumni with huge cocks and I love anal.”   So next time do me a favor and leave the Jesus/Dead Relative sob story for therapy. Seriously she just set back Michigan recruiting like 20 years with that bullshit answer.    Thank God I’m here to rectify things.

As I'm sure everybody knows by now, tonight is trivia night at Game On so set your DVR's to tape American Idol and come down and join us. Also Game On! will be giving away a pair of tickets to the Bruins game as well for Thursday Night. If that doesn't get your ass in gear than nothing will. And as always the winning team gets 50 bucks and qualifies for the Tournament of Champion which is rapidly approaching. And just because I'm in the giving mood today I'll also throw in AROID shirts for the winners. Not because I have a million of them or anything....

BOULDER, Colo. — A University of Colorado student has been arrested on suspicion that she assaulted her ex-boyfriend’s genitals when she found another woman in his bedroom. Chalie Simon, 19, was arrested at 4 a.m. Saturday by CU police officers who responded to a report of a domestic disturbance at the Smiley Court apartments on the Boulder campus. Cmdr. Tim McGraw said Simon, a sophomore who lives off campus, went to her former love interest’s apartment in the early morning hours and began throwing rocks at his window. When the man opened the door for her and offered to let her come in from the cold, she allegedly became irate and tried to make her way into the man’s bedroom, McGraw said. After several attempts to remove her from the apartment, the woman allegedly grabbed the man’s genitals and “squeezed hard,” McGraw said. McGraw said the man told officer he started dating Simon about a year ago, and that they had broken up about 20 times since then.

This dude can cry me a fucking river.   Listen I’m against bitches grabbing your junk and “squeezing hard” as much as the next guy.  But what did this idiot expect to happen?  I mean you can’t have your cake and eat it to.  You want to keep fucking this psycho bitch that you’ve broken up with 20 times already in the past year?      Then you got to take the good with the bad. What's that old expression? "Don’t hate the genital squeezer…hate the pussy that you can’t give up"

(no more handjobs in public for you!)

Stuff.com - Transformers star Megan Fox has reportedly called off her engagement to former Beverly Hills 90210 actor Brian Austin Green. The 22-year-old actress is said to have ended her four-year relationship with the 34-year-old because she feels too young to settle down. A source close to Fox said: "Megan still cares about Brian, but she now realises she's too young to marry him." She reportedly notified her friends and business associates of the news last week. Megan - who was voted World's Sexiest Woman by British magazine FHM earlier this year - has previously spoken about her high sex drive. She said: "I really enjoy having sex, and that's offensive to some people. I'm young and have a lot of hormones - I'm always in the mood!

Everbody and their grandmother has been emailing me this story the last 24 hours. I've kind of been ignoring it primarily because I already thought Megan Fox was single. In fact according to my smut notes I had her breaking up with Brian Austin Green back on July 6th. So rather than reinvent the wheel I'll just repeat what I said the first time I thought they broke up. One day you’re getting hand jobs in public from the hottest chick/nympho on the planet and the next day she’s dumping your ass and calling all her “business associates” to tell them she’s back in the game.   Cruel fucking world.   Frankly I don’t even know how you move on from something like this.  I mean if Megan Fox dumped my ass I’d kill myself so fast you wouldn’t even know what happened.     Do you think Brian Austin Green regrets dating her?    I know it sounds crazy but if he never banged her in the first place he’d never know what he was missing.  Instead now she’ll probably haunt his dreams for the rest of his life.    It’s the age old question whether it’s better to have fucked and lost then never to have fucked at all.

The Bruins passed the three-quarters pole on the season last night, kicking off their largest remaining homestand (six games) with a 6-1 neutering of the Florida Panthers. 2/3rds of their 18 skaters found the scoresheet. A mid-season call-up with much-needed size further tightened his grip on a playoff roster spot with two goals and great, 4th line work. Their Vezina-candidate goalie shined up his resume a bit more. And the heart of the squad has his play rounding into his pre-injury form just in time for crunch time.
 
It's only one game and one win. But after a forgetful Florida weekend where they got dumped by these same Panthers and the lottery-bound Lightning, the increasingly crowded home confines, where they have only lost four regulation games in 28 tries, was just what the Bs needed. Patty Bergeron got them on the board just 48 seconds in after soon-to-be-traded Jay Bouwmeester coughed up the puck and Bergie, thanks to his tenacious play of late, found himself with a breakaway, beating Craig Anderson high on the glove side for his 6th and the quick lead. Mark Stuart, after fanning on his first shot, followed the puck to swipe it by Anderson to double the lead with his 5th. Thomas gave up a screened shot to Kamil Kreps to make it 2-1 but then stoned Kreps a few minutes later to keep Florida from tying it and effectively killing their night.

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TAMPA, Fla. - The Yankees decided to take in a little pool action yesterday. This wasn't the kind in which they dipped their toes in the water to get a feel for the temperature, though. Joe Girardi, perhaps trying to shed the gruff image that followed him around last year in his first season as Yankees manager, decided to throw the team a curveball - or maybe cue ball would be more appropriate. Girardi eschewed the daily spring training routine and took the team to Peabody's in Tampa Palms for a billiards tournament. Although he initially ran the idea by some of his veterans, such as Derek Jeter and Jorge Posada, he didn't spring it on most of the players until they convened for a team meeting at about 9:45 a.m. "Everybody started laughing," Posada said of the reaction in the clubhouse. "We were going to have our little pool tournament, have fun. And that's the main thing. Have fun. Just go out there and have fun." "Today is one of those days that as a ballplayer, you'll never forget," Damon said.The idea was to build some camaraderie among the newcomers, young players and long-tenured vets while possibly inspiring some trash talk in the process.


Well... we're fucked. This off-season the Yanks acquired much needed starting pitching, another big bat in the lineup, and now this? Clubhouse chemistry? [Shakes fist in air]  GIRARDI!!!   I mean, if the team chemistry is anything like I imagine Joe Girardi's little dive-bar school trip seems to be, then we're in trouble.  Damon and Nady, who can't make this month's rent, playing nine ball for monopoly money. A-Rod shooting with both his feet off the floor.  Jeter telling the alchoholic regulars that he doesn't condone shooting when at least one foot is not in contact with the floor, and lets them know that not everyone is doing it.   Burnett can't afford to shoot at C.C. and Tex's table cause they're playing for an average of about $21 million a year.   Matsui shows up wearing only giambi's gold thong cause he misunderstood when they announced that they're having a "pool party."  Yup... we're fucked.

P.S. I love this quote from Johnny Damon. "This is the day that as aBALLPLAYER you'll never forget!?! " Well said Johnny. Well said.

- Blog from Mike Roberts who is in the hunt to be one of our new Sox bloggers. This is the type of stuff we're looking for by the way when people send samples.

the Vassalboro restaurant on Tuesday. Employees, back, from left, are Elvis Thompson, Kris Kelley, Susie Wiley and Ginni Labree, front.

VASSALBORO, Maine (AP) — A topless coffee shop that raised the ire of many residents of a small central Maine town is open for business. The Grand View Topless Coffee Shop, located at the site of the former Grand View Motel, opened its doors Monday on busy Route 3 in Vassalboro. A sign outside says, "Over 18 only." Another says, "No cameras, no touching, cash only." On Tuesday, two men sipped coffee at a booth while three topless waitresses and a bare-chested waiter stood nearby. Topless waitress Susie Wiley said men, women and couples have stopped by.

I take a back seat to no man when it comes to appreciating naked female breasts. But like Seinfeld said "There's the good naked, then there's the bad naked." Ginni Labree is always bad naked and so is the dude. And as much as I admire the owners of the Grand View Coffee Shop for their spirit here, I have to think a chick hustling trays of coffee and bagel, egg and cheese sandwiches around to a bunch of old Mainers in flannel shirts and hats with flaps on the side is definitely the bad naked. There's a reason strip joints are dark inside. Because guys want to be left alone to sit there anonymously in their private shame and stare at boobs. A coffee shop is a place to sit, socialize, and read the paper and you can't do those things and get your money's worth looking at some waitress' rack at the same time. It simply can't be done. Nice try, but I'm predicting inside of three months Grand View changes its name to "Cheetahs" or something and starts selling $8 beers the way the Good Lord intended.

Check out every angle of the Fox Anchor and Poker hottie here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com