Random Thoughts

(The 1996 USA Women's Gymnastic team may be tough to beat)

Just as a reminder we're looking for the Commonwealth's Sexiest Halloween Costume! All nominations must be received by Thursday 5pm. We'll then unveil the brackets on Friday for the Stoolies to vote. I don't want to say this is the most important election of the week, but it totally is. Winner gets $750.00. So get off your asses ladies and send in your nominations.

I'm almost embarrassed to say I never really knew or appreciated just how gigantic Jessica Simpsons tits were. I mean these things are fucking huge! In fact she may have the best boob to ass ratio in the world. Can anybody think of a chick who has better stats than this? I can't. Size 0 34 DDDD. She's like the Javon Kearse of bitches. Just a total freak.

Bruins fans have been up my asshole since Saturday because we haven't talked about the game yet from Saturday Night. Well I'm going to be honest here. The first time I saw highlights was 10 ago minutes when somebody sent me this youtube. So I apologize to all 75 Bruins fans out there who read the Stool and were offended because this did look like a great game. You got to love the guy dressed as a Hanson Brother who had the I Hate Peyton Manning shirt on. And rumor is on the back it said Eli sucks too but they cut away from him to fast. Anyway what do people think of Jack Edwards? Despite the fact I'm not a big hockey guy I think he's the best announcer in the city. He's always seems to be hovering right around crazy which is the way I like it.

Okay, every year at our Halloween Party we have a big cash prize for the sexiest costume.   Well guess what?   Jose Mac’s got way too busy for us to do it this year.   Hell I couldn’t even get upstairs where the contest was supposed to be.  Now I could pocket the prize money and just say that my Craig Sager costume was the sexiest one there, but I’m not that type of guy.    A deal is a deal.   So here is what we are going to do.   We are going to take submissions for the sexiest Halloween Costume in all of Boston and put it to a vote through our bracket system.  Winner gets $750 cash.    Not bad huh?    So ladies send us your sexiest Halloween pictures to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com..   We’re going to unveil Sweet 16 brackets on Friday.  

Click For Pictures from our 4th Annual Wicked Halloween at Jose Macs.

ESPN.com - The Pistons and the Denver Nuggets have finalized a trade that sends guard Allen Iverson to Detroit in exchange for Pistons mainstays Chauncey Billups and Antonio McDyess. Young center Cheikh Samb, selected by the Los Angeles Lakersfor the Pistons with the 51st overall pick in the 2006 draft, will also be going to Denver in the deal, reports ESPN The Magazine’s Ric Bucher.

So the Pistons will feature Allen Iverson, Rip Hamilton, Tayshaun Prince, Rasheed Wallace and, apparently, Amir Johnson.  Iverson is obviously a more explosive scoring threat than Billups, but I don’t know how he really fits.  I think he’s just going to dominate the ball… and the Pistons are a team that doesn’t need anyone dominating the ball.   They’ve always had a pretty even distribution of touches.  I think this throws the whole thing off. 

The Pistons will still be good, because Iverson is still pretty good.  But I’m nowhere near sold on him being, pardon the expression, the answer to Detroit’s problems.  I don’t see this move making Detroit any bigger threat to the Celtics

- John from Red's Army

In all my years of living I've never seen anybody own Mustang Sally like this. I mean this bitch fucking owned it! From the splits to the ass shaking to putting her big foot down, it was just one championship dance move after another. I was literally watching the video bobbing my head with the music just being like "break it down bitch, break it down!." I've already watched this video 50 times and I'm not even close to stopping.

- Thanks to Jean for the tip

BRISTOL, Conn. -- A Bristol woman accused of forcing liquid soap down her 10-year-old son's throat has agreed to a plea deal.  Janet Marra faces up to 18 months in prison when she is sentenced Jan. 6. She pleaded guilty Friday in Bristol Superior Court to risk of injury to a child.  Authorities say 39-year-old Marra and her boyfriend forced the boy to ingest the soap in April during an argument over the child's language and attitude.  The boy, who was spitting up blood, fled to a neighbor's home. Doctors later found signs of bruising around his neck and broken blood vessels in his face.  Marra's boyfriend, 36-year-old John Mierzejewski, is serving a year in jail after pleading guilty to second-degree strangulation for manhandling the boy during the incident.

So let me get this straight?    This kid was being a brat so the mother tried to teach him a lesson by washing his mouth out with soap and now the mother is on trial for risking injury to her child?  Interesting.  I could have sworn that is what people used to call good parenting.   Apparently now it gets you a year in jail.      And people wonder why America is going down the shitter.   I mean maybe if more parents strangled their kids and shoved Zest down their throat there wouldn’t be so many punks running around today and the X Games wouldn’t even exist?   Did anybody ever think of that?   

Click Here For the Guess That Ass Trifecta Answers

Things to consider while wondering what Randy Moss' GPA was at Rand University:

*It would be nice if the Patriots weren't way past moral victories, but that's the price of success. You're without your franchise guy, your emotional defensive leader, down to the 4th guy on your RB depth chart, playing in your arch rivals stadium, they're playing desperate and you outplay them. And while you lose, you come home still in first place. That's enough for most teams to give their coach a contract extension. But the Pats have a higher standard. With this team, it's not enough to get to second base with Diane Wilkerson if you don't get your hands on her bra money.

*It's hard to recall a Patriots loss that fell on any one or two individuals like this one did. And you like to keep the whole "win as a team/lose as a team" mentality. But without question Jabar Gaffney and Dave "The Animal" Thomas deserve to be retro-fitted for goat horns this morning. Gaffe-ney at least made a physical mistake which you can almost kinda sorta forgive. Thomas has no excuse. His penalty was pure boneheadedness and anti-Belichickian in the extreme. It's not like Thomas is one of those Tasmanian Devil guys who plays with reckless abandon so the occasional Roughness penalty is part of the package like Rodney Harrison or Vince Wilfork. This is Dave Thomas we're talking about. Until last night 4-out-of-5 Patriots fans surveyed thought he was the guy from Wendy's who died of a Biggie heart attack.

*I have no doubt that Matt Cassel's wife, his family and his friends all love him dearly. But even they've got to be sick of hearing the "He backed up Carson Palmer at USC. Then, he backed up Matt Leinart..." story.

*I'm as partisan a Patriots fan as anybody. But I also appreciate great football as well as coach kids. And for those reasons I'm perfectly comfortable with being a fan of Bob Sanders. The football world needs him, if for no other reason then a coach can tell an undersized kid "Bob Sanders is 5'8 and he won the Defensive Player of the Year award. Sanders makes it possible for a short kid to believe he has more to look forward to in life than just being a over-compensating, resentful, overbearing know-it-all who interrupts his friends to spout his angry opinions and makes his wife wear flats in their wedding photos.

*Because like my old boss once told me, "Big man, big penis. Little man, all penis."

To read the rest of this self-pitying claptrap, click here...

The Sun - FURIOUS parents have called for a saucy teacher to be sacked after she put on a saucy strip show for her 15-year-old pupils.  The German minx was supposed to be supervising a start of term party.  But things got out of hand as the pretty teacher put on her own s-extracurricular activities for the teen pupils. She seductively stripped down to her underwear – to the joy of her howling students.  And she only stopped her X-rated High School musical when another teacher forced her to cover up.  "It is disgusting. What kind of teacher acts that way in front of her pupils. She should be in a lap dancing bar, not a school," said one angry parent.  "The children were playing truth or dare and making bigger and bigger dares for each other and she decided to join in.  "When they dared her to do some pole dancing she just started taking off her clothes. She's a pretty woman in her 20s and the children couldn't believe their luck. But the school's headmaster in Zalaegerszeg, western Hungary, has refused to sack the unnamed mistress despite pressure from parents and other teachers.  "I was forced to give the German teacher a warning, but I will not dismiss her because she is a valuable teacher for our institution," said head Sandor Rozman.  He claimed she had shown no more flesh "than you would see on a beach."

First of all if anybody deserves to get fired here it’s that fat bitch for covering the teacher up.  Just mind your own business fat lady.    Anyway you got to love Headmaster Sandor Rozman's excuse about how it’s nothing more than you’d see at the beach.  I’m pretty sure that’s code for I’m banging this bitch and there ain’t no way I’m firing her ass.   I mean she could have fucked herself with a dildo and Rozman would have been like it’s nothing more than you see on redtube.   Still I will agree with the angry parents in one regard.  This bitch does belong on a stripper pole.   And I don’t mean that in a bad way.    It’s just that when you can shimmy like she does you owe it to yourself to be a stripper.   I mean she was dropping it like it was hot all over the place and the students were barely paying attention.   No hooting and hollering.  No dollar bills being thrown at her.  No lap dances.  Nothing.  Just a total lack of respect.   She needs and deserves to go someplace where they’ll appreciate this type of ability and clearly this school isn’t it.

The only thing better than when a chick falls flat on her face is when that chick is the Prime Minister of New Zealand. You got to fucking love female politicians! Seriously this is the only reason I'm kind of rooting for McCain on Tuesday. Because you know Sarah Palin will be falling and fucking all over the place. Sure it may set this country back another century, but the entertainment value will be well worth the price of admission.

Introducing the Shannon Twins. The 19-year-olds are reportedly Hef's newest girlfriends at the Playboy Mansion.

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com