(pic from Worcester Telegram)

CLICK FOR VIDEO

So I've gotten a couple emails asking me to pay homage to this entire Cross Country fiasco by making t-shirts to commemorate the event. Here are the best two ideas that people sent to me. I'm not sure I love the softball style shirt, but I do love the "Holla if Ya Hydrate" slogan. A couple other no brainers are "Son of a Bitch!" and "Come on St. Johns!" Anyway would people buy these things? Could this be my ticket out of the Dot?

- Thanks to John for sending us these samples

OTTAWA (Reuters) - Obese people have the right to two seats for the price of one on flights within Canada, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled on Thursday. The high court declined to hear an appeal by Canadian airlines of a decision by the Canadian Transportation Agency that people who are "functionally disabled by obesity" deserve to have two seats for one fare. The airlines had lost an appeal at the Federal Court of Appeal in May and had sought to launch a fresh appeal at the Supreme Court. The court's decision not to hear a new appeal means the one-person-one-fare policy stands.

See Canada, this is why nobody respects you around North America, not even Mexico.  You want to give fat people 2 seats for the price of one, fine.  But do they get 2 meals?  Do they get to watch 2 movies?  How many overhead bins do they get to stuff all of their fat luggage in?  In other words, where do you draw the line?  People have a hard time understanding this concept, but it’s okay to tell someone “no, you can’t have this.”  They might be pissed temporarily, but they’ll find a way to get by.  Or they kill themselves. In America, it’s always been one person, one seat.  Except in the Boston City Council where it’s one person, one seat, one bribe, 6-9 months in the slammer.

NOVEMBER 20--Meet Brandon Raz. The Wyoming municipal employee pleaded not guilty today to charges that he twice ejaculated in the water bottle of a female co-worker. Raz, 38, was charged this month with misdemeanor battery, stalking, and attempted battery counts after investigators matched his DNA with semen samples taken from the victim's water bottle. According to a Jackson Police Department affidavit, a copy of which you'll find here, the woman told cops that her "personal water bottle" was first befouled in mid-September. After drinking from the bottle, which had been on her desk, "the water smelled and tasted as if it had been contaminated by seminal fluid." But the woman did not contact police until October 6, when she again believed that her water had been contaminated. On that morning, she "began to take a drink" and "smelled the contents and discovered once again that it smelled of what she believed to be semen." After preliminary tests matched Raz's DNA with samples taken from the woman's water bottle, he admitted to a detective that he masturbated and ejaculated "into the water bottle belonging to Jane Doe on two occasions"

First of all, Jane Doe (if that's your real name), you can get down off your high horse right now. Don't be acting offended all of a sudden that Brandon was rubbing one out in your water bottle. The time to do that was mid-September, the first time you smelled boy butter in your water. You should've spoken up then. The first time you found Raz' spooge in your Poland Springs then shrugged it off and went back to work like it was nothing, what was Raz supposed to think? He had to assume you were OK with it so he did what any normal person would do: kept on whipping up batches and dropping them in there. I mean, by that point it became what the lawyers would call "accepted practice" by any reasonable standard. You know what I think? I think you had it in for Raz from the beginning, and putting up with his spunk in your water bottle was just a ploy to get him to keep doing it so you could nail him. That's the kind of thing chicks named Jane Doe have been pulling on guys forever.

(Thanks to elvis for the story.)

This video is like 3 weeks old but we've been so awesome blogging other shit that I never got around to posting this. Anyway, this is what you get for being a little pussy and refusing to drop the gloves and fight like a man. You get your ass humped. Serves him right.

MSNBC - Batman has battled quite a few foes over the years, including The Joker, The Riddler, Two Face and The Penguin. But now, the Caped Crusader could have a new enemy, the city of Batman. The mayor of the real city of Batman — an oil-producing city in southeast Turkey — is reportedly suing “Dark Knight” director Christopher Nolan and Warner Bros., seeking royalties from this summer’s box-office blockbuster, according to Variety.  In his lawsuit, Huseyin Kalkan, the pro-Kurdish Democratic Society Party mayor of Batman, is accusing Nolan and the studio of using the city’s name without permission. “There is only one Batman in the world,” Kalkan said. “The American producers used the name of our city without informing us.”  Among the charges are a claim that the use of the Batman name is to blame for several unsolved murders and a high female suicide rate, based on the psychological impact that the film’s success has had on the city’s inhabitants, Variety reported.

See this is the problem with having democracy in 3rd world countries.  They don’t even know how it works.  Everybody knows that you can’t sue across countries like this.   Seriously wake up dude.   Listen it would be one thing if the city of Batman was located in Nebraska or if Warner Brothers was located in Istanbul, but that’s obviously not the case.    So even if chicks in the city of Batman are killing themselves because they can’t handle the movie’s box office success (which is probably true) Mr. Huseyin Kalkan is still shit out of luck.   

Simple rule of thumb for all fat chicks out there. If you're too fat to wear a bikini then you don't deserve to sit on chairs, benches, the ground etc. Stand and lose some weight.

In any sport, a true, genuine coaching innovation comes along maybe once in a generation.  Most revolutionarly new schemes that some coach spent all off season drawing up on a chalkboard like he's John Nash with a whistle never get beyond team practice before they're scrapped.  (Think Bill Belichick's Big Nickel defense from a couple of years ago.)  Those that get tried in actual games usually have the lifespan of a mayfly before they're exposed.  (Like Rick Pitino trying to bring the full-court zone press to the pros.  Ditto Steve Spurrier's Fun 'n Gun.)  Of the innovations that do survive, the vast majority are just a passing fad (Billy Martin's BillyBall, Buddy Ryan's 46 Defense) and never heard from again. Few... very, very few... actually make it out of the prototype stage and change their games for good.  (Tony LaRussa's bullpen set up, Jacque Lemaire's Neutral Zone Trap.)

Right now, no one knows the fate of the Dolphins' Wildcat Offense.  For all the attention Miami QB coach David Lee's scheme (he developed it at Arkansas with Darren McFadden and Felix Jones) has gotten and all the copying of it that's gone on around the league, the Dolphins are only 16th in the NFL in rushing yards.  But there's no question the Wildcat has had an impact so far.  And no team has gotten burned by it like the Patriots have.  Miami unveiled it in their Week 3 game and to say the Pats weren't ready for it is an understatement. Like saying the Gotham PD was caught off guard by Heath Leger's Joker.

But Sunday the Pats will be the first team to face the Dolphins twice this season. And they've not only got a coach who A) Practically never loses to the same team twice and B) Will have extra days to prepare. But he's probably THE best coach at outscheming new, gimmicky offenses in NFL history. Consider the following examples:

• Bill Walsh's West Coast Offense- In the 1985 & '86 NFC playoffs, with San Francisco at the height of their powers, Bill Belichick's NY Giants defense held the 49ers to 3 points in two consecutive postseason games.
• The K-Gun Offense- Coming into Super Bowl XXV, the Bills innovative no-huddle offense led by Jim Kelley and Thurman Thomas scored 44 & 51 points in their two playoff games. After drilling it into the Giants' D all year long that they had to stop the run, Belichick famously told them to throw away the playbook. "I promise you that if Thomas rushes for 100 yards, we'll win." They held Buffalo to 19 points and Belichick's game plan sits in the Hall of Fame.
• The Atlanta Michael Vick Offense- In 2001 under Dan Reeves, the Falcons were running a version of the West Coast. In a game in early November the Patriots sacked Vick... the same Michael Vick who would later rush for 1,000 yards in a season and averaged 7.3 YPC for his career... 7 times. In the 2nd half alone.
• The Greatest Show on Turf- While the rest of league focusing on stopping Kurt Warner, Belichick surmised that the the entire Rams passing attack ran through Marshall Faulk. So, as the NFL film of the game would later say, "They hit Faulk when he had the ball. And when he didn't..." and held St. Louis to 17 points
• The Peyton Manning No-Huddle- 2004 AFCCG. In the Divisional Playoff the week before, Manning's line was 27 of 33 for 457 yds and 4 TDs and the Colts never punted. Against the Patriots they scored 3 points.

So we give all the credit in the world to the Dolphins coaches for coming up with a new wrinkle to their offense that caught the Patriots, and the rest of the NFL, off guard. But there's never been a coach more uniquely qualified to toss the Wildcat into the ash heap of football history, starting Sunday. He's dealt with this sort of thing before.

Click for answer

Did people see all the agony and despair in this video? Well picture the exact opposite and that's what it's been like at my house the past 7 years on American Idol finale night. Chicks diking out, dudes high fiving, champagne everywhere. I mean shit, I could have told these girls David Archuleta was going down. Just read my preview article ladies and save yourself the humiliation and heartbreak because everybody knows I own American Idol. My only regret is that I wasn't in the same same room with these broads so I could have done the Running Man right in their eye.

Reader Email

El Presidente,

I'll admit that I was in the wrong with some of my comments, so I'll apologize for that. In the end I just wanted to stick up for a friend, and obviously I could have used a more creative approach. I'm not gonna sit here and kiss your ass, but if you give me a phone number I'll give you a more formal apology. No hard feelings on this end, I'll take the beating and learn a lesson from it.

-Matt

(Click for original email)

So what do people think?  Is this a real apology or some diabolical trap by Matt Tieuli to get my phone number and then have the ND Cross Country team prank my ass?   I’d like to believe it’s real. I’d like to think I helped teach a college kid a valuable life lesson and now he’s a better man for it. But asking for my phone number so he could give me a more formal apology just doesn’t feel right. It’s like he’s trying to outsmart me or something.   Nobody outsmarts the Pres!  I mean isn’t writing an email as formal as it gets?   

Vote 1 for this is a real apology and this young chap learned his lesson not to mess with the stool and 10 for he’s trying to punk me.

This is what the pregame speech of a legendary coach from a major DI powerhouse sounds like? Bobby Bowden sounds like he's running a condo owner's association meeting here. And what's worse, he's reading that drivel. Like he couldn't commit "Receivers, catch the ball" to memory. It's just horrible. I guess this is what ACC football is all about.

The champs bitch-slapped the Pistons - again. And Rajon Rondo (18 pts, 8 assists) was the best player on the court. He played his game to perfection. He sliced through the Detroit defense routinely and either drove to the hoop or kicked it to an open teammate. On the defensive end, he harassed Allen Iverson and had 3 steals. I cannot believe some idiot bloggers were stupid enough to question his game.

As much as I want to give the Celtics credit, the Pistons wouldn't have beaten the Bakersfield Jam tonight. This was the classic mail-it-in job on the second night of a back-to-back. Even though that hag-ref Violet Palmer did her best to keep this game close in the 1st quarter.

Chuck - Red's Army

PS - Perk, can you please STFU. We're all tired of your technical fouls. You can be a bad ass without mouthing off to the refs.

More of the songbird here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com

Looks like our March Madness party just got a lot more interesting because the Wolverines finally punched their return ticket to the big dance last night. I love this West Virginia two year program!

It's great to be a Michigan Wolverine!

It's great to be a Michigan Wolverine!

It's Great To Be A Michigan Wolverine!

Okay it's time for the finals. It's Jen vs. Arielle for all the marbles. Winner gets $750.00 (in hats)....Let's get it on!

Jen

Vs.

Arielle

Click here to vote!